What leaving really costs
People leave high-demand religious groups every year, and most of them walk out with almost nothing. We know this because we left one ourselves - the people behind Brave Horizons Network are former members of the Plymouth Brethren Christian Church. In the PBCC and in groups like it, people lose their parents, their brothers and sisters, their friends and often their job on the same day, because the group tells the people who stay to cut them off. Many leavers have never had a close friend outside the group, and now they step into a world they were taught to fear their whole lives... and the phone goes quiet.
Here's what leaving looks like up close. A mother walks out, and her own children stop speaking to her. A young man quits and loses his job too, because his boss belonged to the same church. Groups call it shunning, disfellowshipping or "withdrawing from" someone, and the result is the same every time - people who have done nothing wrong get treated as if they have died. Most of them carry the fear and the guilt for years, often with no one to talk to.
They call it separation
Each group has its own word for how it treats people who step out of line, and the PBCC calls it "separation." The rest of us call it coercive control. Leaders in groups like the PBCC tell members what to wear, who they can eat with, what they can read, who they can marry and where their kids go to school. They control their work, their money and their friendships, and when someone starts asking questions, the group cuts them off from everyone they love.
People raised under that kind of control don't just pack a bag and start fresh. They have to learn how to make their own choices from scratch - how to rent an apartment, make a friend, trust a doctor and trust themselves. Nobody should have to learn all of that alone.
Why we're here
We started Brave Horizons Network because too many people leave high-demand religious groups and find nobody waiting for them on the other side. Our roots are in the PBCC, and we know that world from the inside - but we are here for anyone leaving a high-demand religious group, whatever it was called and whatever it asked of you. We are a Canadian charity, and we serve people right across the country, in every province.
Brave Horizons Network offers support to people at every stage of leaving, whether they are still inside, newly out or years down the road. We listen without judgement, and we help people find resources and support to fit their needs. Services differ from one province to the next, so if you need help close to home, get in touch and we will help you find it. Future posts on this blog will look at the cost of leaving, coercive control and the practical side of starting over.
Leaving a high-demand group takes more courage than most people will ever need. You stood up to the only world you knew, and you deserve people in your corner.
Taking the next step is brave. You don't have to do it alone.
Reach out through our Contact page. We would love to hear from you.